My High
by oOoIZZYoOo
Summary: Arnold and Helga are going to the same college together, but after loosing touch for so long will the reunion be a happy one? Or will Helga's drastic change in personality keep them from finishing a fight they abandoned so many years ago?
1. Chapter 1

My High

Chapter One: I Don't Want To Grow Up

It was cold.

Tired blue eyes wandered to her window as a chill breeze wove itself into her empty room. Goosebumps rose as she shivered, rubbing her naked pastel skin. Beside her a rather bulky frame turned uncomfortably, pulling the covers until they shielded him from the cold draft. Blonde hair shifted over his face, dark brown eyes fluttering open as the woman beside him buried her face into her knees.

"You ok Helga?" The tired man asked his voice hoarse and thick with sleepiness. Helga bit her lip, leaning up from her stance. Slowly she nodded, not even bothering to give him a vocal answer. Absent mindedly she rubbed the still tender hickey burning on the nape of her neck. In the morning Phoebe would look at her with a mixture of shock and terror, stuttering out something to the effect of-

'Did you two- I mean-'

And she'd deny it, say that it was just a normal bruise, and attest that the two of them never even touched. Phoebe would pretend to believe her. Helga's eyes moved to the sleeping boy beside her. Slowly she moved her fingers down his large back, tickling gently down his spine. He shivered, arching up into her nails with a soft sound of content.

In the morning his friends would see him leaving her home and he'd rave about the ferocity miss pigtails had in bed. Both of them would be lying…

But it was better than the truth.

"Hey Wolfgang, my parents are gonna be home soon. You should probably get out of here." Helga whispered lowly. The boy stirred, mumbling under his breath as he pushed into her soft hands. Helga smirked to herself, drifting her nails down his arm and back again. He shivered in pleasure before relaxing into her bed.

"Come on Helga…you're moving in the morning, what're they going to do? Scold you all the way to the car?" He mumbled. Helga rolled her eyes, kicking him in the side with her lanky legs. He groaned, gripping his side as she climbed over him, reaching for the bottle on her nightstand. The swish of the liquid seemed to perk him up for he sat up just as quickly as she brought the bottle to her lips.

"Hey, hey, isn't it a little late to be drinking?" He asked, taking the bottle from her hands as she offered it to him. Helga twisted up her face in disgust, still not able to take the sharp bight of drinking vodka straight. It was like drinking nail polish. Wolfgang didn't seem to have too much trouble with it, for after a few glugs he leaned back into her bedpost with a rather relaxed expression.

"I just wanted to get warm." Helga mumbled, wiping her lips of the disgusting liquid. Wolfgang smirked, nudging against her shoulder before taking one last swig out of the bottle.

"I know an easier way to warm you up." He teased. Helga sighed, too tired to fight against his advances. She closed her eyes as his lips moved down her shoulders, gently nipping here and there to try and get her attention. Helga flinched, biting her lip as he pushed aside her hair to suck at the back of her neck.

This used to feel good.

This used to be fun…

But now it just made her tired, and angry, and sad. If you eat too much of the forbidden fruit you start to get sick, isn't that what they used to tell her? Helga brushed her fingers through her hair as a variety of images occupied her mind to try and take her away from what she was doing right now.

"I'm so sorry Helga…"

Dr. Bliss? Well, that was a new one. There she was though, clear as day, streaks of gray popping out of her usually tight bun. Bags fell under her dark blue eyes, her body fallen and tired. Her office had been void of any personal objects, boxes lined the shadowed walls. That was freshman year. The school's budget had practically been cut in two, and along with many of the art programs, busses, and after school activities, Dr. Bliss had been cut off of the schools payment.

"You promised…you promised you wouldn't abandon me." It was such a pathetic plea, but it was the truth. Dr. Bliss carried half of her heart on those tiny shoulders. Had she always been so frail? Dr. Bliss sighed, her guard falling down as she pushed her bangs back.

"I'm sorry…" she repeated. Without the school's funds her practice had fallen to pieces and Dr. Bliss had been forced to take a low end internship across the state back in her hometown. It was rather pitiable now, realizing how much of her sanity depended on those weekly sessions- on _him_. Phoebe did what she could to help but without her doctor, without her love-

She was devastated.

Helga had done fine for a few weeks. Although Arnold was gone, far from her reach, she was still her own person and the letters that he sent to her kept her mind at bay. Then the withdrawal started to kick in. It had taken five fist fights and three drunken stupors for her parents to catch onto her misery. When yelling and punishing didn't work, Olga came up with the brilliant idea of therapy. It had kept her sane before, in theory, it should have made her sane again.

Then…why did it turn out like this?

One image especially burned into her mind. The horror and disgust that played over her psychologist face as she re-told him the story of her obsession with Arnold, her family life, some of her works of poetry. With her face still beaten blue from a fight with big patty in the locker room, the poor man probably feared for his own safety as well as the wellbeing of others.

He listed off a long list of terms to describe Helga's 'illness', which was odd, because Helga didn't feel sick. He deemed that she was mentally unfit, a ticking time bomb that needed help right away. This again came as a surprise to Helga. She didn't feel ready to burst, if anything, she was just looking for an outlet on where to exert those driving emotions that bubbled inside of her.

That's when he mentioned the medicine.

It started off small; so small that Helga almost didn't notice it, just a small anti-depressant to keep her on her feet. After a month she was starting to feel…happier…if one could call it that. She felt independent, energetic, and more aware. But with that awareness, with that mask lifted off of her face, she could only see more clearly the dark shades of blue in front of her.

The once numb feeling that had kept her comfortable now gave opportunity for new and fresh wounds. She had become more depressed than she'd ever been. On her third visit the psychologist he suggested upping her medicine. She didn't know what that meant, but made the fatal choice of trusting him as she trusted the doctor before him.

That's when everything went grey.

Three pills in the morning. Two pills at night. A special chalky pill for when she's feeling down, a nice yellow pill for when she's angry-

Pills, pills, pills all around her- falling like droplets from a waterfall onto her head.

Helga opened up her eyes, twisting her lip some as she stared at the bed frame below her. Why such a memory had surfaced while her sometime fling was seducing her was well beyond her comprehension. Helga moved her fingers through the long blonde hair that fell over her chest. Maybe that's where all this madness started?

The moment she fell down the rabbit hole.

"Hey…you ok?" Wolfgang asked as Helga pushed herself up and off the squeaking mattress. For once in what seemed like years a small fire burned in her chest. She didn't know what she was doing, or why she was doing it. All she knew was that she needed to fan it- baby it- help it grow, lest it wither away and die. Wolfgang watched curiously as the girl, wearing nothing but her small pink boxers and white push up, walked to the vanity dresser beside her door.

"Helga?" He asked.

Helga held up her finger for him to be quiet. Usually he would have been offended at this, but the pure determination in her wake made him comply. The scrape of her old dresser drawers opening rang throughout the silent room. Her breathing hurried as she reached inside of it, eyes focused. Even though it was freezing cold inside of the room sweat dripped down her cheek.

It was hot…and getting hotter. She could feel the flames engulfing her stomach as she pulled out a pair of shimmering scissors from the pill bottle encrusted space. Wolfgang opened his mouth in a panic, knowing that Helga's mental state was not always a good one, but the shing of the scissors rang so fast he had to blink twice to figure out what had happened.

Long locks of blonde hair fell to the floor as Helga panted, dropping the scissors to the ground. Wolfgang slowly moved behind her, picking up the nearly foot long streams in his fingers. He raised a brow at her before exhaling loudly.

"…why did you do that…?" He asked softly. Helga tugged at her now neck long locks, the light from her eyes slowly fading into their normal calm state. But just for a moment, just a small fleeting moment, the sanity, the status quos, the intelligence, all fled from her body. In that shimmering moment, as the weight fell from her shoulders and onto the floor-

She felt alive…


	2. Chapter 2

My High

Chapter Two: Sanity vs. Reality

Helga had barely registered the feeling of lips against her own when Wolfgang left. Something about changing his mind on confronting her parents if she remembered right. That had been only a few hours ago yet every minute felt so long and drawn out she could have sworn days had passed. It didn't take long for the sun to rise, shining brilliantly through her cracked open blinds and straight into her lidded eyes. With a groan Helga pushed herself up and off of the mattress, ready to greet the hell she called home.

As if on auto-pilot she made her way to her vanity dresser, popping open the slim drawer for her morning pills. She hadn't even grabbed the bottle when her eyes caught sight of the mess in the mirror looking back at her. Helga dropped the pills quickly, hissing through her teeth as she pushed up the shockingly short hair that fell around her ears. Helga groaned quickly throwing a gray beanie over it, she'd have to deal with that mess of a decision later.

Helga clutched onto her desk as the sounds of people bustling about downstairs reached her small ears. Her eyes quickly traveled to the clock- twelve thirty. Helga sighed and hurried over to her closet, clumsily fixing her bra straps as she did. Thoughts flashed through her mind as she glanced over her clothes, gingerly picking out a few at a time for comparison.

This was it. Today was the big day. She was finally leaving Hillwood for good, on to bigger and better things. Helga pushed a pink sweater like dress over her body, pushing some old brown boots onto her feet. No more ignorant family or pestering sister-

No more reminders of _him._

Helga flinched as she hid her head under her sweater, keeping the blinding light from her eyes. No, she couldn't think about that today. She couldn't let him in her mind. This was supposed to be a happy day; she couldn't fall into that trap again. She wouldn't let herself feel that way again…she wouldn't.

Helga nearly jumped out of her skin as rough hands suddenly slammed against her oak door, the sound echoing through her ears as she groaned. No more late night drinking for her…

"Olga! Wake up! You've got visitors!"

Helga groaned, dropping her head in exasperation before snapping towards the doorframe.

"ITS HELGA BOB! HELGA!" She screamed. With a low sigh she threw open the door and headed out into the now empty hallway. It didn't take long before she was downstairs and all eyes fell upon her shaggy hair cut. There was a small 'oh my' from Phoebe and a gentle snicker from the girl beside her.

"Well I've heard of bed head but Helga, you ever so take the cake…" Lila called out sweetly. Helga knitted her brows together in anger as she grumbled grabbing the small girl's hand.

"Shut yer' trap and fix this!" Lila rolled her eyes playfully and followed after Helga up the stairs. Ten years ago one might have stood flabbergasted at the sight of Lila and Helga seemingly getting along with one another. As Phoebe packed away some kitchen cutleries for Helga to bring, even she couldn't quite explain how the relationship had formed. One night they were bickering with each other like usual, and the next-

This.

Phoebe suspected something had happened between the two that both dared not speak about, but, if she was to look at it rationally it was only natural that the two become friends. Lila, though quiet, was perhaps just as manipulative and dark as Helga's own soul. The difference was each of them miraculously held some kindness in their bitter bones. Lila showed her own off as much as possible while Helga hid it away in some dark corner where only the privileged were allowed.

Phoebe could only catch a glimpse of it on some days, and others, the walls came crashing down and she came running into the girls arms with eyes full of tears. Phoebe paused for a moment, looking for at her hands as she twisted up her face. When was the last time Helga had come to her for advise…had come to her for- well…anything?

It seemed like so long ago.

Phoebe gave out a small huff as she hoisted the box of kitchen supplies towards the u-haul that sat dormant outside the blue household. Yes…the more she thought about it the more suspicious it all seemed. Helga no longer burst out in her angry rants in class, nor had she ordered Phoebe around in years. All of those lovely poems about love and death and happiness were gone and instead replaced with silence.

Compared to the friend she had loved during elementary school Helga seemed so…calm…so- mellow.

Phoebe had attributed that to Helga merely growing up but, now as she dissected the memories, it seemed more like she had been replaced by an emotionless being. She had mistaken apathy for maturity. Now, as she placed her beloved friends things in the moving van she realized that she had missed the symptoms for so long that even she doubted Helga could ever be returned to her normal state.

Phoebe's eyes turned up sadly towards Helga's window as she watched the two girls play fighting one another for control of the scissors. Had Lila noticed it before? Had she seen to downward spiral Helga was taking? And if so, when?

Phoebe hopped onto the U-Haul's boarding dock, watching as Mr. Pataki and Miriam paced in the living room. Maybe if they had been raised differently, if they'd had some sort of help along the way, they'd have made better parents. Bob, although seemingly unaffectionate and violent, could be seen looking through the old photographs, only now noticing that Helga had never smiled in any one of them. Miriam had all the good makings of a mother, but with none of the willpower to do so.

All Phoebe could do was hope she found her way to AA soon…soon enough to fix things with Helga, soon enough to save their daughter from the path they took.

"Really Helga, I still don't understand why you felt the need to cut your hair so short…I loved your long hair." Lila whispered. There was a hint of genuine sadness as she cut at the girl's messy blonde blocks. Helga watched as pieces fell to the ground, her eyes moving into Lila's.

"Let's just say it was an urge." She mumbled. Lila pulled back to overlook her work before nodding.

"I saw Wolfgang leaving your house this morning…so you two are still-…together…are you?" Lila asked, nearly biting her tongue with every word. Helga rolled her eyes, flinching as she felt the cold brim of the scissors against her ear.

"He's a good guy." Helga mumbled. She could almost feel Lila rolling her eyes as she snipped faster.

"Right…I'm sure he is Helga. I just think you can do better than him."

There was a tense silence between the two as Helga crossed her arms angrily, her feet tapping against the floor with a soft rhythm. Even she didn't really like Wolfgang that much, but it bothered her that Lila wasn't 'approving' of him. Who the hell was she to decide if he was worthy of her or not? Helga snapped her head up to her, making Lila yelp as she pulled the scissors away right before they entered Helga's skin.

"Jesus Helga! You almost made me kill you!" Lila shrieked, her voice nearly three octaves higher than normal. Helga didn't seem to pay any mind as she waved an angry finger at the young woman.

"Wolfgang's got more baggage than you'll know Lila, and he's a really good guy for all of the shit that he's gone through! As for me, well, who is anyone to say what I'm worth?" Helga cut herself off before ranting about how she wasn't worth anything compared to him. She didn't want to start up yet another fight with the young girl.

"Ok…ok…" Lila whispered holding up her hands in defeat. She sighed before brushing her fingers through Helga's hair once more, looking for any missed pieces.

"Honestly it's just nice to see you fighting back." Lila whispered to herself. Helga looked up at her quizzically, tightening her fist.

"What do you mean?" She asked lowly. Lila swished Helga around quickly, smirking as the girl's face nearly glowed in surprise. Helga moved her fingers through the previously ugly cut, unable to believe how different she looked. Or rather how…cute…she was. A sharply edged bob around her chin made Helga smirk despite herself.

"Not bad miss perfect, not bad at all." She muttered. Lila smiled, leaning her arm against Helga's chair rather cockily before winking at the blonde bombshell. Helga laughed making Lila's eyes open in surprise. Helga stared at herself, almost unable to believe what she had done either.

She hadn't even realized how long it had been since she'd laughed.

"Helga…did you take your medicine today?" Lila asked quizzically. Helga's eyes popped as she hit her head, quickly reaching for the dresser's drawer.

"No, I'd forgotten, thanks Lila." Helga mumbled. Lila jumped into action, pushing the drawer closed before Helga got a chance to put her hand inside of it. Helga furrowed her brows together in anger before pushing at the girl's side for her to move.

"Lila! Get out of the way!" She complained. Lila shook her head quickly.

"No, listen to me Helga, you don't need these medicines ok…just listen to yourself, only a day off the medicine and you're already laughing and fighting me like your old self." Lila argued. Helga growled, pushing harder but the girl remained firm.

"I need this medicine…the doctor said so." Helga grunted out. Lila flinched but dug her shoes into Helga's carpet for better friction.

"Maybe one, or even two of them, but you don't need them all Helga. No one does." Helga stopped for a moment as Lila sighed, digging her head into her palm as she tried to think of the right words to say to the girl. Finally Lila pushed against the drawer, determined, and stared down at Helga's skinny frame.

"Helga…I'm not saying that these pills don't work….but they're not for people like you…listen to me…please- there's nothing wrong with you….Dr. Bliss knew that, and that's why she never gave you any of this- this…poison! All you need is someone to talk to, someone to hold, someone who LOVES you…." Lila sighed moving away from the drawer as Helga stared down at it.

"Those medications are for sick people Helga…people whose minds have rotted away….there's nothing wrong with your mind Helga…you're just a broken person….a broken person that can be fixed….but not with this…never with this…" Lila took out a bottle of the prescription drugs before placing it in Helga's hand.

"I know that these drugs make you feel like you're in a safer place Helga, but they're really just hiding you in someplace far more dangerous…and I hope that someone helps you out of it before these things eat your real personality up alive." Lila whispered. Helga groaned throwing the pills into her mouth, swallowing them quickly.

What did Lila know…she hadn't felt the pain Helga had, she'd never lived a day in her shoes…and she most certainly didn't know anything about Helga's mental status. Did the drugs take away some of the inspiration in life? Sure. Did they maybe make her a bit less in tune to the world then she had been before? Maybe. But the drugs did make her feel safe….made her feel sane. And she wasn't about to give that up just to write a few crappy poems again…


End file.
